A Kinder You: Embracing Self-Compassion and Goodness

The holiday season often sweeps us into the year’s final stretch, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions. For some, it’s a time of magic and connection, while for others, it might bring a mix of joy and overwhelm—or even feelings of loneliness. This season can also spark reflection on the past year, leading many of us to judge ourselves harshly for what we did or didn’t accomplish. I’ve felt this self-criticism deeply this past week, as I measure my aspirations for 2024 against where I stand now. But what if we tried something different? What if, instead of self-criticism, we chose self-compassion? What if we looked back and celebrated the moments of growth, joy, and success, however small? What if we measured our year not by what didn’t go our way but by the wins that made us proud?

If you are not familiar with the concept, self-compassion is the practice of extending kindness, understanding, and support to yourself, especially during moments of failure, challenge, or difficulty. In this practice, you tap into the same compassion you would have for a close friend. It’s a powerful antidote to the self-critical voice that often grows louder during times of stress or reflection. As the year draws to a close, when responsibilities pile up and we reflect on our goals, practicing self-compassion can help us navigate pressures with greater grace and resilience.

Self-compassion is grounded in three core elements:

1. Self-Kindness: Treating yourself with care and understanding rather than harsh judgment or criticism.

2. Common Humanity: Recognizing that struggles, mistakes, and setbacks are part of the shared human experience, rather than feeling isolated in your suffering.

3. Mindfulness: Being present with your emotions and experiences without suppressing or exaggerating them, allowing you to respond with clarity and balance.

Importantly, self-compassion isn’t about avoiding growth or giving yourself a free pass—it’s about striking a healthy balance. Acknowledging areas for improvement is essential, but so is celebrating your accomplishments and moments of success. At its core, self-compassion creates a supportive inner environment that empowers you to grow in healthier, more sustainable ways.

A Simple Self-Compassion Practice to Try

If you’re feeling stress, disappointment, or overwhelm, take a few minutes for this simple practice inspired by Dr. Kristin Neff. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and try the following steps:

Step 1: Acknowledge the moment. Think of a situation that is causing you stress. Say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering.” “This is challenging.” “This is stress.”

• By noticing your feelings without judgment, you’re practicing mindfulness—acknowledging the present moment as it is.

Step 2: Recognize your common humanity. Remind yourself: “Suffering is a part of life.” “I’m not alone. Others feel this way too.”

• This simple step helps us remember that struggles are universal. We’re not broken or flawed for having hard days; we’re simply human.

Step 3: Offer yourself kindness. Place your hands over your heart or give yourself a gentle hug. Feel the warmth and say: “May I be kind to myself”, “May I accept myself as I am”, or “May I be patient with myself.”

This practice can be done anytime you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can also practice it during moments of calm which will make it easier to access during times of stress.

Reflecting on the Good in the Past Year

As the year draws to a close, it’s natural for our minds to focus on the challenges, the struggles, and the things we wish we had done differently. This negativity bias—our brain’s tendency to focus more on bad experiences than good ones—can overshadow the moments of joy, connection, and progress that also filled our year.

Take a moment to reflect on all the good things that happened in your life over the past year. These might be big achievements, small wins, or even moments of simple contentment. Write them down, and let yourself feel gratitude for each one. This practice can help shift your perspective and remind you that even in difficult times, there is light.

Here are a few prompts to get you started:

• What made you smile this year?

• What are you proud of?

• Who or what brought you joy?

• What challenges did you overcome?

By intentionally focusing on the positive, you give yourself the gift of perspective and gratitude. This shift allows you to rewrite the narrative of your year—transforming it into a hero’s journey of growth and resilience rather than a story of shortcomings. In doing so, you’re not only celebrating your wins but also cultivating a foundation of self-compassion. This supportive mindset can guide and empower you as you step into the New Year with renewed energy and hope.

A Gentle Reminder

The end of year (and life in general) can be messy, beautiful, and complicated all at once. It’s okay to hold space for joy and stress, gratitude and grief, hope and uncertainty—all at the same time. Through it all, remember that you deserve kindness.

As you move into the final days of this year, take a deep breath and honor the journey you’ve been on. Reflect on your wins, big and small, and remind yourself that you are enough, just as you are. When life feels challenging, offer yourself the same compassion and care that you so freely and generously give to others.

May you embrace the beauty in your story, be kind to yourself this season, and step into the New Year with a spirit of gentle growth, resilience, and peace.